I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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