i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
