I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
