loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just cropdusted the office
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
