I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
