This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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