Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
