Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
