Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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