i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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