If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
