My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
