Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
