Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
