I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's blow job season.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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