Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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