So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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