CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
