i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
