I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize