So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
