for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
