my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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