got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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