Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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