Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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