His pubic hair was longer than his dick
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
