I'm so fucking centered right now
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
