obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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