Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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