Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
