If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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