the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
