we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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