there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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