i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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