There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
