Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
