My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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