If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
