WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
