so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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