Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
