Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
