I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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