it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
