her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize