i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
