I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I cut my penus on the lid.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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