I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
