i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
