he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
