Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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