the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
