peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
