Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize