their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
