fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
