pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
