I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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