I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
