I don't think brook has ever known best
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
