??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
