If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
