if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
