"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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