she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
