Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
