I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
