i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
