on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
