i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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