hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
