So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
ok first of all what the fuck
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
