And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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